Brutal Breakup

So, I’m single again. Things didn’t work out with Montana. The irony is that last Monday I was writing a blog called “Wonderful Weekend” about my time with him. The post got so long that I decided to split it into 2 parts, but I never got around to writing the second part. Now, it’s too painful to write the second part, because I don’t want to think about how wonderful I thought things were.

This Friday morning I woke up with him in my bed giving me an orgasm. Monday morning I wake up alone with my bedside light on, my door open and wearing the same shirt that I had on last night because I got drunk and passed out.

Here’s what happened in the last few days that totally obliterated my hope for my relationship. On Thursday night, he asked me out to dinner. I was so happy and excited. But when we actually went out, I felt like the evening was falling flat. I blamed myself in some way and it turned out ok once we got home and got in bed together. He mentioned that he was going to have friends in town and then go to Africa for work on July 16. I started to panic inside because I realized that he would be even more out of touch and distant than he already has been. For some reason, I didn’t bring up my concerns right in the moment that he started talking about being busy. But I did bring it up once we got home and got in bed together.

I said that I was bummed to hear that he’s going to be so busy and he’s going out of town. I said that I’m going to miss him while he’s gone. He said he thought that was cute. I asked if he was going to miss me. Silence. He said that he’s not an emotional person and he doesn’t really miss people. Not exactly what I wanted to hear, but I felt a little better that I had admitted how I was feeling.

I kissed him goodbye on Friday morning after he made me late for work because he couldn’t keep his hands off me. I didn’t hear from him on Friday night. He didn’t call me at all on Saturday. I started feeling odd on Saturday. Like I was trying to make myself happy and I just couldn’t get there. I got on Pinterest and starting making an extensive “inspiration” board to cheer myself up. I texted Neighbor to hang out because I hadn’t seen him in weeks and I knew that he was going home for the 4th of July and I definitely wouldn’t see him for awhile.

Hanging out with Neighbor was so nice. I enjoyed sitting and chatting together. I told him that I’d missed hanging out with him and he said the he’d missed me too. Apparently, he’s an emotional enough of a person to miss me. Then I started crying and couldn’t stop. He said, “It seems like you’re not happy.” I said, “It’s just so hard to have a boyfriend. I’m not cut out for this.” Neighbor was so nice and such a good comfort.

I woke up the next morning and texted Montana to see if he wanted to go to breakfast. He wrote back that he was busy getting his house ready for his friends and had already eaten. I was underwhelmed with his response and told him that I just wanted to see him sometime that day. He didn’t respond for hours.

Finally, I sent another text that said, “I know you’re busy this weekend, but I need to talk to you. Could you spare an hour to talk to me later?”

A few hours later, he wrote back, “I’ve got a lot to do. I’ll let you know.

I was upset. But at the same time, I felt relieved by this response. I felt like this relationship was probably doomed and I didn’t have to fight for it anymore. I responded with, “Dude, this isn’t going to work out if you wont talk to me. :(”

I went to the bar by myself to read a book and meet up with a couple friends later. I started getting tipsy. Hours later, he replied with, “I’m just busy this weekend.”

I was on my way to getting plastered and didn’t accept this excuse. I wrote back, “In case you hadn’t noticed, I’ve been thinking all day that we should break up. You have a choice: talk to me about this or just say ok.”

An hour later, he wrote back, “Ok.”

Fuck. I purposely phrased my prior text in that way because I didn’t think he would choose that option! This has to be the most brutal breakup of my life. There was no conversation, there was no honoring what we had and acknowledging that it just didn’t work out. There was a text that said, “Ok.” I didn’t respond. And then I got drunk.

Now it’s Monday morning and I have to take this hangover to work. Yippeee. At least I’m free and I don’t have to wonder when I’m going to hear from him next. No more putting my life on hold and wishing that he would make me feel like it was worthwhile. I’m free to meet someone who is a better match. Plus, I still have Neighbor on the side to keep me company.